Zachary O’Connell, Now Referring to Himself as Greenfelt, Discovered on Vulcan Attempting to Become the First Human to Achieve Kolinahr
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
1y ago
VULCAN–After mysteriously disappearing in 2021, Zachary O’Connell has been found on Vulcan undergoing the Kolinahr ritual. Now calling himself “Greenfelt”, the former businessman asked for privacy as he attempts to purge all remaining emotion to achieve pure and total logic. Reporter: Mr. Greenfelt, Mr. Greenfelt! You’re on the cusp of becoming the first ever human to complete Kolinahr, can you tell us what it feels like? Greenfelt: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame of reference. Reporter: You’re joking. You mean I have to undergo Kolinahr to discuss your i ..read more
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Chas Hammer’s True Identity Revealed
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
1y ago
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest. Chas Hammer is: Elon Musk. Elon Musk: “You could argue that any group of people — like a company — is essentially a cybernetic collective of human people and machines. That’s what a company is. And then there are different levels of complexity in the way these compan ..read more
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Simming Prize Board of Trustees Agree to Charles Starr’s Takeover in $42 Trillion Deal
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
1y ago
The Simming Prize Board of Trustees yesterday accepted Charles Starr’s bid to buy the prize and go private, a deal that would give the simming world’s richest person control over the community’s oldest award.  The deal has polarized the simming community, despite no one caring one bit about the prize eleven months ago.  Starr’s entire package, valued at $42 Trillion, includes 245 sims, several Applebee’s gift cards, and an unopened model of the Enterprise-B. The deal marks a stunning reversal after the Board of Trustees initially rebuffed Starr’s offer last ..read more
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22nd Fleet Liquidated by Creditors
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
2y ago
RISA–Intergalactic roleplaying conglomerate 22nd Fleet officially shuttered earlier this year as its last remaining assets were sold by creditors.  The company had been plagued by internal squabbles, poor customer reviews, and low cash flow since former CEO Zachary O’Connell abruptly resigned last year and pledged his loyalty to Bravo Fleet Chairman & Premier Telos Raymar.  O’Connell has not been seen or heard from since. 22nd Fleet’s demise was precipitous.  After Mr. O’Connell’s unexpected departure, the 22nd Fleet Board of Directors turned the reins of the company over t ..read more
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Cooper Driver and Richard Quit RPG Recruitment After They Discover Its Secret Purpose Is to Convert Role Players to Simmingtology
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
RPG RECRUITMENT CENTER–Agreeing with each other for the first time ever, rival role players Richard and Cooper Driver both quit RPG Recruitment yesterday after they discovered its actual mission is not to help them find new role play games, but to funnel members into the controversial Church of Simmingtology. “I guess I first noticed that something was up when all anyone wanted to do was audit my posts about how they must be referring to some IRL traumatic event,” said Driver.  “What did they call it?  Oh yeah, sim-engrams.  They also wanted me to join a role play called the USS Dianetics ..read more
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James East Seizes Independence Fleet After BJ Wheeler Leaves Keys in Flagship’s Ignition & Other Space Oddities
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
RISA–James East took control of Independence Fleet last month after the club’s leader, BJ Wheeler, left his keys in the ignition of the group’s flagship while vacationing on Risa.  East found the unattended ship in orbit and immediately flew it back to fleet headquarters, where he assumed fleet command just as Wheeler finished his morning piña colada. “It’s great to be back in the big chair again,” said East from the Commander’s office.  “I can’t wait to get back to work!”  East had been on Risa for the past 12 years after being banned himself by Wheeler during the ToS era. “Meh–he can have ..read more
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Role Player Cooper Driver’s Copyright Infringement Lawsuit Against Satire Site The Toasted Avocado Begins
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
BROOKLYN–The long anticipated civil trial of Driver v. The Toasted Avocado kicked off today with Cooper Driver making his own opening statement after his attorney, Michael Vendetta, failed to post his own bail.  Driver is suing the popular satire website The Toasted Avocado for more than $20 million in damages for copyright infringement of his Star Trek role play character.  Vendetta remains in federal lock up after being charged with trying to blackmail Bravo Fleet in an unrelated case. “I chose my character’s race, the model-actor for the avatar, the ideal human body height and weight, and ..read more
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Amanda Rose Quits Role Play and Opens Family Law Practice to Lower the Drama
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
DETROIT–Longtime RPG Writing leader Amanda Rose announced yesterday that she is stepping away from from simming and opening a family law practice in an effort to decrease the drama in her life.  While the timing was surprising to many, no one disputed her reasoning. I’m getting out of role play and getting into family law.  I need this change because the drama is just too much. “Yes, the rumors are true,” continued Rose at her final press conference with RPG Writing, “I’m getting out of role play and getting into family law.  I need this change because the drama is just too much.”  Rose is a ..read more
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Simming Prize Host Michael Aravan Entertains Some, Offends Others During Opening Monologue
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
HOLLYWOOD–Five-time host of the Simming Prizes Michael Aravan delivered a blistering opening monologue last night to the role play elite during the annual awards show & banquet.  Sparing no one, he roasted simmers, leaders, NPCs, and the like.  While some found his remarks humorous, others described them as “highly offensive.” Aravan came to prominence starring on the original 22nd Fleet version of the sitcom The Academy. “I know a lot of people don’t think I deserve to be standing here.  Frankly, it’s a little hard to believe myself,” Aravan began. “I mean, Major Tom was fired from the ..read more
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Star Trek Groups Celebrate the New Year, but Disagree on What Year It Is
Outpost 42 News
by Major Tom
4y ago
TIMES SQUARE–“Happy New Year!” shouted role players in New York and across the universe this morning as multiple simming & role play groups celebrated the turning of the calendar, although they couldn’t agree on what year it is.  Estimates ranged from 1 to 3020. “Happy 2389!” said Kale Maz from New Destiny Fleet just after the clock struck midnight. “2389, what?” responded Mardel Shayron of USF.  “That was last year.  It’s 2390 now.” “You’re both wrong!  It’s not the 24th century–it’s the 23rd century… and it’s 2287,” said Tess Moreno of Shadow Fleet as James Hawke tapped his watch and h ..read more
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