A few years ago, I conquered my metaphorical mountain. It was hard. The pain was emotionally, physically, and spiritually excruciating at times. Because survival was my imperative; my beacon, I didn’t give much thought to how I would feel once I processed my repressed memories. Intuitively, I knew that in order to live, I had to discover and accept the congruent timeline of a dark and deeply buried past, and then learn how to manage the triggers that sometimes rendered me feeling helpless and hopeless. At times, I wondered, when my story is told and I am standing in my truth…What will happen n ..read more

Under the stars as the snow gently fell we came together under a December sky As the world shut down we connected and soared finding laughter, friendship and a secret garden of forever love On a hope filled day she said, Yes and our steadfast love took on sparkle hand-in-hand we look towards the mountains Together, moving closer we see in the near distance that every summit glistens with sunrises and sunsets syncing in an infinite dance And in our sleepiest dreams filled with flying unicorns and swirling mists when we open our eyes ~ with that hint of a smile we turn towards, and know ..read more

This is dedicated to all the survivors I’ve met, and the ones I’ve yet to meet along the way. For those who have found their voice, and for those who may still be finding it. Silence can mean so many things…This is what it means to me! The silence was the worst sometimes That moment when it ends The silence is sometimes the most uncomfortable part of being hurt It’s a strange feeling to see someone who just hurt you in abhorrent ways turn around and walk away Watching them leave…It felt as if they were also taking a piece of my spirit…leaving behind another tatter, another rip in my already sh ..read more

I got trapped in the shadow-side the clouds enveloping me the deep ice and snow burying the flowers in my mind For months I couldn’t find the brand new day ~ I drifted feeling so alone and lonely grasping white-knuckled to the real- to the flowers in my mind I wept tears of fear, pain & despair and through the stony darkness, I felt the love and the pull of light and hope In the dark, before the dawn, I hear this will pass~ the voice of a brand new day reassuring me that the flowers will rise again Today the shade went up and the sun pointed the way bursting through the tangle of weeds I e ..read more

It’s common for survivors to feel confused when traumatic events take place. Also, we can experience extreme confusion during the healing process as we learn to make sense of our past and live in the present.  I typically don’t use the word confusion when I think about my symptoms.  What I manage is fear, triggers, anxiety, trouble with concentration, and hypervigilance.  Recently, one of my perpetrators shared some information with me that caught me off guard. Unconsciously, I pressed “play” on an old tape and started to feel protective over this person. That’s when the confusi ..read more

For most, there are times when parenting is overwhelming. Sprinkle in a newly diagnosed mental illness and you have a recipe for loneliness, isolation from other parents, depression, enhanced fear of messing up the kids, and an exhausting (sometimes bleak) future outlook. Depending on the age of the children, there is a fluid process of deciding what to share while learning to cope with your illness. It’s important to let the children remain children. They may be old enough to help with caregiving needs, but there is a line between caregiving and placing them in a parenting or therapist role ..read more

It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with extremely challenging PTSD symptoms. I have learned how to manage the everyday symptoms that just come with living with this mental health condition by employing a whole lot of tools from my self-care tool-box. But since the attempted break-in of my home (read about it here: Don’t Open That Door )I have experienced an increase in some very distressing symptoms including; fear, panic, extreme hypervigilance, and sleep disturbances. All of these leave me exhausted, a bit confused, and rather lost at the moment. So what is happening? Right after t ..read more

I’m involved with a non-profit organization called EmpowerSurvivors that supports survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma. EmpowerSurvivors is a peer-run nonprofit organization operated by survivors of childhood sexual abuse for victims of childhood sexual abuse. We support survivors through individual peer support meetings, classes, workshops and since the pandemic began, we now offer Zoom meetings on Monday evenings at 6:00 pm central time called, Conversations With Evey & Elizabeth. These interactive conversations focus on topics of interest to survivors of trauma and sexual abus ..read more

The bright flowing energy of life that courses through those oft talked about chakras aligning my body, mind, and soul sometimes feel clogged. They say it’s normal to have places that are stuck. Let’s start there! Let’s open it up so you can breathe, unfold, flow, feel whole. But it’s clogged…with dirt. Those life-force channels sometimes get mired in the sludge of messages and beliefs from a long ago past. Enmeshed in the lies that were told to my soul. The truth of their lies evidenced in the dirt underneath my nails. Wait; This is a triggering time of year I’m being pulled into a ..read more

How many scary movies, thrillers, and mysteries have we seen where we find ourselves saying out loud, “don’t open that door!” And then joke because of course, they were always going to open that door, answer the phone, or look under the bed.  Often after we scolded the protagonist, we would add,  “I would never do that!” And then real life happened, and I Opened The Door.  This past Monday morning at 7:15 with the sun shining brightly, someone was actively trying to break into our house. I heard a noise and was walking to look out the window, thinking that something was going on ..read more