note to self: protect your peace. even if that means sacrificing your own dysfunction. (before i start, i want to acknowledge i’m not an expert on anything. i just ask a lot of questions and overthink a lot of things. i would imagine that over time, i’m still going to continue to learn new things, and bring more questions/answers. this goes not only for myself, but as for the world around me. my thoughts, opinions, and feelings change. it’s fully and perfectly okay/normal to experience that. anything can change. small things can often make the biggest impacts. writing along the way helps me ..read more

I’d like to open up to you. Share parts of me to feel close to you. I begin with restriction of what used to be, cruising in what seems like a twisted fallacy. How does one bloom from the seed of doubt? With these waves of emotion, how is there ongoing drought? Is it self hatred? The result of being “jaded”? Or is it more deeper, a product in which I have created? The shadows seem to bind me; only time will tell. Welcome. Enjoy the words I craft from my fall down the well ..read more

“I found a home in loneliness. Now, I long to be emancipated from it.” – personal quote by Micky Q. Self awareness involves a great deal of consciousness and being…aware. It involves holding yourself accountable–seeing where you went wrong and learning from those mistakes to involve into something more. I personally love the concept of it, especially since I reside more in my head than in reality sometimes. Add depression and PTSD to the mix, and we have a home of me being the product of my own undoing that can go a bit to far. There’s a quote by Lao Tzu that puts it all in perspective for me ..read more

a poem. It’s a place indescribable. I used to feel so deeply. But now it’s as if I’ve become empty. Emotionless, secluded, different. I’ve grown. I’ve seen so much in so little time. I’ve felt everything at once: lost myself, my heart, the truth and pureness of my soul and my body… I end this year with a state of void. Walls lined with guards and needles keep me protected. As irrational as it may seem…I’m safe. No one listens, understands my complexities. And yet…my silence is always questioned. I would rather suffer alone than endure pain. I became the martyr to my shadow. If I were to ope ..read more

What’s the point in anything?  In living, in being in love, in forgiving, in trying to step outside of fear…there’s so many things I question with, “what’s the point?”. At times, I counter myself. I challenge those thoughts and ideas. That’s partly why I write. Inversely, I also succumb to the thoughts and feelings. It’s easier to hide in my own shadow out of fear and isolation. I’m aware that it is VERY unhealthy. But again…what’s the point? Well let’s start this over. Hello. You can call me Micky (the way it’s spelled means nothing to me), Chae, that girl that writes stuff. I’m 21, ye ..read more

Hello all! I apologize to those have been diligently waiting for me to write and create content. I intend to be back VERY soon! (life kinda got crazy + self care). thank you ..read more

fun fact: this was written by me on 5/8/2016. enjoy. So many broken souls. Confused. Lost. So many people who are dangerously reckless; careless with their bodily being. Waking up to people who can’t love themselves — who don’t know how to. I can say I’m one of those people: lost in the sea of my own turmoil. Who taught us how to act like this? Creating distorted personas of ourselves to impress others. Getting caught up in drugs, sex, and alcohol as a new sense of blissful, euphoric ignorance. And as a result, we treat each other as a convoluted game to satisfy our egos, mingling and breaki ..read more

the best way to transcend the mundane comes from denying myself. Life is interesting with a funny sense of humor. It’s complex and painful with points of beauty, joy, and happiness. The joke? There is in fact no meaning. We think our whole concept of life circulates on the wheel of “THERE’S A REASON BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS A CONSPIRACY”. The illusion? Believing that there is a reason for existing because the world “owes” you. Denial is projected when you add the rejection of what you feel “owed” + entitlement. With that reality check in mind, I’ll explain. We get mad when we give something tha ..read more

I find it very wild that we try to live this uber ultra, nonchalant life with the denial of death. What I mean is death is something so paradoxical. Painful, yet beautiful. It’s somewhat interesting to see and hear someone’s ideas on the subject. Not in the “what’s your favorite serial killer?” type way. It’s something more personal and down to earth that just seems to bring us down to our knees sometimes. I feel like death is a part of life that people always pretend to accept. “Not everyone wants to be sad all the time, why did it have to happen”. Makes sense, but it’s also a double edged sw ..read more

I wasn’t planning on writing again. I considered giving up a skill and rebirth of a passion that not only helps me, but it also seems to help others. Here’s why I wanted to stop writing: 1) no allotted time between my two jobs and 2) stress with personal matters. The first reason was more like an excuse I made for myself. I also would tell myself that I would need to wait on the perfect moment and proper climate to put something out. After having a tough love conversation with a couple of my friends, I told them and myself that I would continue. However, I chose to limit myself. The feeling of ..read more