I first it when I discovered narcissistic abuse many years ago. I soon learnt it was derived from the 1940s psychological thriller: Gaslight, in which the female protagonist was cruelly manipulated by her husband into believing she was losing her mind. He would deliberately dim the lamp, and have her believe she was imagining it. As the lighting faded, so did her sanity. Put simply, it is a calculated, insidious, and evil method of mind control which features heavily in narcissistic abuse in numerous guises where the victim is left feeling uncertain about their mentality. Unsuprisingly ..read more

Says one out of ever 5 people who I advise on recovery. Unsurprisingly- we read about the traits: – narcissists blow hot and cold; put up a mask so their partner likes them; needy for attention; and explode angrily when pushed just that little too far over the edge; are jealous and insecure  … but are you justified in your behaviour or are you as bad as they are ? Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com It’s actually not as simple as most people think. The short answer is: NO.   Remember the traits of a true narcissistic personality disorder (not the ones about their love with th ..read more

Yesteday, I was running a workshop in London, and no surprises the subject came up – yet again. How can you win child custody against the Narcissist? You know you should keep stay composed but as always, they have the razor sharp ability to find your achilles heel – and this time – it is your child. What makes this even more annoying is that they don’t even care about the child, they care only about their performance opportunity; another game they can win; and of course having control over you and your child for as long as they can be bothered with it. It is very difficult to become emotional ..read more

Have you finally taken the plunge and decided enough is enough?? You will get your power back and show the narcissist you can live without them. This time, you promise yourself things will be different.  You read everything you can about about the narcissistic personality disorder, and you know you have to do this.  And for a short while, you feel strong, committed. But darkness falls, and abusive as it was – you miss the highlighted notification – telling you a new message awaits. You need to know what’s going on, good bad or ugly, not in a few weeks, not tomorrow, you need to know ..read more

Hi All, I had so many clients tangled up with legal cases against narcissistic abusers, who claimed assets that they contributed NOTHING towards, and still screamed blue murder because the client refused to give up the TV! The narcissist has the emotional capacity of a peanut.  Which is what makes him a pathologial liar. He often tries to show any signs of sympathy, sorrow, grief etc but this is all an act.  Your biggest problem here, is not his lack of emotions, but that fact that in comparison – you will come off, as being extremely emotional. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Your em ..read more

Dear All, Happy Valentines Day A day when normal people choose to celebrate the love in their lives; and also a favoured holiday for the Narcissist to throw a tantrum. See, the Narcissist wants you to remember him long after he disappears; and by choosing a public holiday, you’ll always remember him at the same time every year; whilst he’s at it and you’re feeling your most emotional – he’ll aim to subject you to ultimate humiliation. Anyone who has been discarded by a narcissist today deserves a special congratulations because you get to spend an entire day without any put-downs; manipulation ..read more

Hi there, There is no crystal ball, and every single relationship is different BUT there are many patterns I’ve seen over the years: Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com The first pitfalls begin to surface 2-3 months into the relationship – where you see the first signs.  You can sense he is less interested; you are confused because he insists you are special but it doesn’t always feel that way; finally – you dont care any more. It takes around 18 months to completely get over the narcissist to a point where you can go an entire day without any reflection; flashback; or ‘fantasy argument or re ..read more

Follow my blog for immediate and genuine advice on narcissistic abuse; and narcissistic personality disorders. Please do not blindly read books and articles written by ‘psychology experts’ and general newspaper articles.  I have been ‘out of this game’ for several years and simply came back to update people reading it – but I am disturbed by the myths and noise out there. And angry they are clouding the internet space stopping people from getting real help when they need it the most. Honestly- I believe the DSM scale is also a little off. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com Having a number of ..read more

Hi there, OK – what I am about to say is a little controversial but hear me out… I have never ever come across a true cluster B narcissist who has changed, they simply move onto find more compliant sources of supply … BUT … I do believe a narcissist can change if all their supply was cut off.  This is the problem; they will never have a shortage of vulnerable victims who will fall prey to their manipulative tactics. Photo by David Cassolato on Pexels.com So in theory – it can happen – in the same way drug rehabilitation works, you would have to remove every single source of supply from th ..read more

He knows I hate being ignored, more than anything else in the world – so why does he do it??! Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com There are several reasons: 1. He is not in the mood.  He is either enraged because you asked too many questions; disappointed because you weren’t unrealistically perfect; or because he is bored so will ‘create a problem’ and find an excuse to get away. 2. He is trying to control you.  He knows that by keeping you guessing; and in pain, he will remain firmly embedded in your mind.  He wants this not because he cares about you, but because he enjoys watching ..read more