The dangers of polarisation in different life areas How are you showing up over the areas of your life? Does your business, job, career consistently get the best of you? If you end up over time giving all your energy, focus, attention, empathy and patience to your work environment then what comes home? Whilst listening to an episode of Esther Perel's podcast series How's Work, she mentioned the idea of work getting Best Self and home getting Worse Self or something to that effect. This to me fitted alongside the idea of Over Functioning at work and Under Functioning at home, just a different ..read more

How to develop positive self-regard Potentially the greatest place of leverage in having an even better life is in improving your relationship with yourself. We live with ourselves twenty-four hours a day, so would it be a terrible idea to prioritise self-work that helps you further develop an overall sense of positive self-regard? You can improve your sense of feeling that you are enough and at the same time recognise that you have areas to work on. What self-care routines work best for you and how consistent with them are you? Do you think about yourself and your life goals as much as you f ..read more

Balancing the Individual self with the family unit One of the key aspects that we should be learning from our family as we grow is how to be a healthy individual and also how to be healthily part of a family unit. The ability to move between selfness and togetherness, in a way that doesn't compromise us is powerful. However when we feel that closeness in the family is more like being swallowed up then we either run away in some form or perhaps resentfully comply. Enmeshed families can demand that closeness comes with conditions. Don't disturb how we do things here! Enmeshed families can deman ..read more

How can we spend more time being present for self and less in other people's business? One way to stay out of the anxiety of dealing with self is to spend all our time focusing on what others should be doing. If I am always fixated on how to help others then I get to avoid dealing with my issues. In Robin Norwood's excellent book Women Who Love To Much, she makes reference to the sunny side of control: “I will manage my anxiety by rescuing you, advising you and doing for you.” This can come with a great deal of approval from others and we get to look good. Whilst we may look good and get appr ..read more

How presence & awareness creates healthy relationships There are a number of factors that would appear to boost the chances of having a relationship that continues to be healthy and successful over time. One such element is the degree to which you continue to be aware of your partner's emotional experience. The longer we stay together the more likely that we will both change, grow and develop whether we intend to or not. The person you started in relationship with may not be exactly who you experience today. It is vital that we continue to invest interest and time into our partner. The mo ..read more

Protecting your relationship by enhancing closeness There are so many distractions and responsibilities these days! One of the consequences is that, over time and often out of our awareness, we start to drift from our partner. Distance grows over time and connection can start to fade. This can mean that when inevitable challenges appear at our door or appear at the doors of those close to us, the relationship really experiences strain. Having fundamental positive regard for our partner, a genuine friendship with them is seen as one of the most base elements of long term successful relationshi ..read more

How to have healthy, relationship affirming disagreements Sometimes we can get so focused on being right in an argument and snowing someone else with the undeniability of our rational position that we forget to be mindful of their experience. If you have ever had the experience of being intellectually trampled so to speak by someone in a conflict or negotiation situation and how that left you feeling, you will know what I mean. How willing are you to want to engage again with that person if another situation of challenge arises? The really good negotiators and conflict specialists focus not o ..read more

How boundaries & accountability lead to opportunities When we are setting boundaries and limits around our own behaviour this actually leads to more opportunities and freedom in the long run. If we don't set limits around for example consumption of food and alcohol, great fun short term but over time will weaken us and impact health as well as energy levels. How well am I actually being accountable to myself? Am I setting myself tasks to achieve and then finding loopholes or excuses so that my personal to-do list still seems to have the same jobs on it as a month ago or even longer, ha, h ..read more

Choosing our sacrifices wisely Part of going after a meaningful goal is the things I am willing to give up in order to prioritise my goal. In the course of my career, I have had the privilege to have taught and worked with many successful people who have had to make certain sacrifices to get where they want to go. The effort becomes part of the reward if we have chosen what we will pursue wisely. It can be very challenging to fix your time, effort and resources on achieving something and when you get there, it doesn’t provide you with the personal payoff or payoffs you thought. I have persona ..read more

How understanding our judgments can create greater self-awareness What am I drawn to in others that grabs my attention in either positive or negative ways? Is what I am attracted to or repelled by in others actually an opportunity to acknowledge an aspect in myself. Through the process of growing up we may find that elements of our being have been under-expressed or not permitted due to the family system we grew up in. For example, I may find that I am drawn to and have a fascination with carefree, go with the flow people. Part of the fascination is a calling to acknowledge and allow myself t ..read more