Progress report
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
This blog has been quiet for months, for the best reasons. Ollie’s been well, and life has been moving onwards.  Ollie is now a tall young man, the exact height:weight ratio that he should be. His school attendance is 100% and he is only seeing CAMHS fortnightly. There is talk of him being discharged from services in the spring. Ollie’s meds are being slowly reduced. It is all hugely encouraging.  Anorexia hasn’t gone, but the voice is mostly just a whisper. We still have a routine, still have a meal plan on the wall, but Ollie has more responsibility for his own choices, and more ..read more
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What does an anorexic eat?
Eleven and anorexic
by
3y ago
No, that’s not the first line of a joke. Or a stupid question. The answer isn’t “nothing”, and it isn’t what you think.  When Ollie first became ill, he was eating like any healthy 11-year old. He was just eating less of everything. It was subtle; you had to squint to see it. In December he was still eating the odd Christmas sweet, the odd packet of crisps. In January, he had fruit instead. By February, he was missing lunch completely and only eating a little dinner. In March, with a firm diagnosis in place, he was slipping further away from food, towards the dreaded NGT and a diet of E ..read more
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Update
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
A huge gap since my last post. Not because there’s nothing to tell; I just haven’t had the energy to write.  So, first, an update: Ollie is doing well. He has been discharged from both the eating disorders team and from the general paediatric team in London. We are now under the care of local CAMHS, with fortnightly appointments. For the first time since starting grammar school, Ollie is now attending full-time. Last week, he resumed PE lessons. Academically, Ollie’s doing brilliantly well, and his school agreement is allowing him to stay reasonably calm about homework.  Ollie is g ..read more
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Truth
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
Sometimes the truth slams into you when you least expect it.  We’ve just passed the anniversary of Ollie’s admission to the inpatient unit. Plodding along, one foot in front of the other, looking forwards. It’s going ok. We’re through the worst. It’s not all that bad.  This week we learned that my husband’s colleague has just lost his teenage daughter to this illness. It’s tragic, horrific, unimaginable.  Anorexia is deadly. It’s statistically the mental illness with the highest mortality rate.  I look at our son and I’m rocked by the enormity of what has happened to hi ..read more
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Goodbyes
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
This week we said goodbye to two wonderful support groups at GOSH. It’s the first step in moving on, and Ollie was very happy to hand out some little gifts and skip merrily on his way. He has, for some time, been almost “too well” to attend the children’s group, and although he has been a positive presence, he hasn’t needed to attend. In fact we’ve begun to worry that keeping him “in with the poorly kids” is not in his best interests. He feels such empathy for his fellow patients and we feared that he would bear their burdens - but it seems that Ollie has been largely unaffected by it.  ..read more
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Spring
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
This year has been one of huge contrasts. We’ve had sun, and snow; progress, and backlash. We’ve gotten through all of the days, good and bad, and all the while the Earth has been turning, bringing back the sun. Spring is finally here.  Ollie is racing ahead. Physically, he’s doing phenomenally well. His weight has stayed on track. He’s growing ever taller - now an inch above me, he’s on the 90th centile for height. Ollie’s attending school four days a week, and is relaxing into a near-normal pattern of work. He’s playing football at the weekends. He’s looking healthy. Puberty has hit ..read more
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Food
Eleven and anorexic
by
3y ago
Food is everywhere. It’s central to everything: crucial to our very existence, the cornerstone of our social interactions, the way we show love, the way we celebrate. The consequences are everywhere too: our lives are filled to the brim with messages about body shape, about health, about our attitude towards it all. There’s no getting away from it.  We have just returned from a short holiday to Centerparcs in the Netherlands. We packed up our special serving spoon, the mug we use to measure cereal, and a bag full of snacks for that fit Ollie’s meal plan. We planned some self-catering mea ..read more
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Sometimes it feels like we’re living in a game of ...
Eleven and anorexic
by
3y ago
Sometimes it feels like we’re living in a game of snakes and ladders. The smallest things can have us all hurtling downwards, feeling like anorexia is pulling us back towards the darkness. Yet sometimes a small thing can happen and we suddenly leap forwards, and feel like progress is possible. Anorexia rolls the dice. We’re just being moved along, back and forth, trying to get through the days. I’ve made a very poor attempt at illustrating this. The green squares are good things, the little leaps of hope that propel us towards a happier ending. The orange squares are treacherous, the things t ..read more
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This time, I’m just posting literal snapshots. Thi...
Eleven and anorexic
by
3y ago
This time, I’m just posting literal snapshots. Things that have become the new normal for us. I’m hoping that each picture gives just a little insight into our lives. My bedside table reading pile We read. We try to learn. But so often the reality is nothing like the books. Wiped out and on the sofa This is what happens when it all gets too much, when the voice becomes too loud. Ollie retreats to the sofa. Our dogs comfort him as best they can.   Hospital day This is the hardest day of the week. This takes all day and is always hugely tiring. Individual th ..read more
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Anorexiaversary? Or Christmas?
Eleven and anorexic
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3y ago
It’s beginning to look a lot like Anorexiaversary.  While most families are starting to get excited about Christmas, we’re bracing for impact. This time last year, Ollie was unhappy, but we had no idea about the freight train that was about to hit us all. We thought that the long autumn term, along with the pressures of the 11+ and choosing a secondary school, were exhausting Ollie. He was eating normally and exercising his usual amount - which was every day - and we thought the Christmas break would shake his misery out of him.  On Christmas Day 2016, we sat down to our traditional ..read more
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