I think I’d like to start first by saying that this group is often on my mind. Some of you are complete strangers who know nothing about me and only have “liked” because you think this content may pertain to you. Others, whether we’ve met in person or not, know me deeply. Intimately. Know my true heart. My struggle. My pain, anguish, defeat and also – my victory. But I am writing to all of you today. This group got very large very quickly – which leads me to believe what I already knew so many years ago – blended families are everywhere – and childless stepmoms especially need some direction ..read more

Taking the high road sucks. When your character is assassinated and your soul is ripped out and you’re broke and you’re tired and flashes of broken hearts can be seen through your child’s eyes – your reaction is usually war, not steps forward in contentment. I’ve been wrestling with writing. I quit because I don’t want to be known as the divorcee or former stepmother, or the broken, tattered, worn woman who used to be full of passion. I don’t want to spend a ton of time explaining to you the path that brought me back to the page but I do want to share this with you. It’s a tale of th ..read more

I had to learn the hard way what it meant to be on the receiving end of invalidation. Experts agree that experiencing invalidation is one of the most traumatic parts of any abusive relationship. Those who invalidate are experiencing a big black hole in themselves. They are often personality disordered individuals – though invalidation can happen on a spectrum. This is not just someone dismissing your feelings in an inadvertent way. It’s not just disagreements about facts or happenings. It’s calculated. It’s cold. It’s incessantly undermining your thoughts, cares and feelings. And in ..read more

Along your journey you will find many well-meaning (and some not-so-well-meaning) individuals who have an opinion about your situation. Try as we might, often times their opinions affect us, but they don’t help us. They don’t help us because they don’t get it. You’ll encounter PLENTY of people who, quite simply, don’t get it. One of the most common things I hear from people is how many people don’t get it. They can’t relate and their ‘advice’ sends them backwards or at the very least frustrates them. I’d like to share with you my rule, which is easier said than implemented : if they don’t know ..read more

I filed for divorce a year ago. I moved out shortly thereafter. I took my wedding dress with me, along with family photos. I can’t describe entirely why I did this. While I’ve never once regretted my decision to divorce, at the time I was still spinning. You know what it looks like when  you dip your finger in water and spin it around? You take your finger out, but the water is still spinning? That was my life for the past year. He was gone, but my life was still spinning. Such is the case with victims of emotional abuse. I’m now learning that I have suffered PTSD from that relationship a ..read more

Living with integrity simply means that what you say and what you do are the same. That you walk in truth. That you are a safe, trustworthy, whole individual. That you have a moral compass and are not afraid to use it. And that you choose what is right over what is popular. It doesn’t mean stretching the truth. It doesn’t mean taking advantage of others. It doesn’t mean hiding your own truth for the comfort of others. It doesn’t mean manipulating others. It doesn’t mean pretending. It doesn’t mean being a chameleon because you don’t really know who you are. And it definitely doe ..read more

One year ago today, my life fell apart. My ex husband filed for divorce from me on this date, last year. He, being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), had decided to escalate our issues to their highest level. He would file for divorce to “get back at me and prove me wrong.” I felt a sigh of relief. Finally, I could end this horrific battle. Finally, I could escape the cage I’d been living in for years. I was actually RELIEVED that he wanted to divorce and I could get out freely. The very next day, he engaged in a typical “split” (those with BPD often split from all or nothin ..read more

June of 2012 was the first time my former husband threatened my life. Things were out of control and falling apart more rapidly than I could have ever predicted. I was the target of extreme mood swings, name calling, incessant phone calls, emails, texts, emotional instability and accusations. I was being manipulated, lied to, lied about and pitted against in my own home. But I didn’t understand dysfunction, emotional abuse, gas-lighting, personality disorders or the like. At the time I just wondered what was wrong with me. How had I come to deserve this? I believed him when he said it was all ..read more

When I became a part of a blended family that was a hot mess from the beginning, I spent many years searching, learning life lessons, and sometimes being beaten by those life lessons. No one on the planet was going to tell me how to live my life, and my ignorant thirsty determined heart had every intention of doing it big. Doing it right. MAKING IT WORK. Today I sit in a very different place, still processing what has gone on, accepting what is, and healing. I’ve shamed myself for being so blind. For not realizing that a man with a wake of failed relationships already behind him BEFORE me ..read more

A divorce isn’t just an event. It’s a series of events. A roller coaster of ugly, confusing, soul sucking, unstable, painful events. This has been a very dark time for me. The last time I saw my boy was marked by another outburst of emotion and hatred from his father; something I was so used to. And then my baby was gone. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. There were a solid few weeks that I barely got out of bed. I stared at the ceiling and prayed. I tried to overwrite the enemy’s lies with the Truths of our Father. Every day was a struggle. I would go to work, or any required activities, coun ..read more