What does it mean to be truly courageous?
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Last week my boarder who lived downstairs passed away very suddenly. Since then I have been thinking a lot about death but even more about what it means to live.I have been on my own now for 14 years since my husband passed away except for a brief hiatus with a man I fell head over heels in love with but who never loved me in return. I had a little doggie who I loved intensely but he died at the end of April. I am alone again and feel very unhappy because of it.So what does it mean to really live? My thoughts about life and death have shifted over the years. My husband used to say, even as ..read more
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How flooding emotions work against you with BPD
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Flooding emotions can be frightening but can be managed effectively Every single one of us has experienced this. In one instance, you are fine, dealing with your customer load, answering questions, taking orders and then, all of a sudden, something happens and you suddenly turn into Godzilla. You have been triggered and you can’t stop yourself from reacting or lashing out at the other person. What’s worse, when the incident is over, sometimes hours later, you still can’t shake the feelings and continue to relive the moment in your mind again and again and the emotions feel as raw and horrible ..read more
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How I learned about unconditional love from my dog
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Most of us grew up hearing about it, the story about what unconditional love is like. I did, too. I was just not ever able to believe in the concept though because for me, love always seemed to come with strings attached. As a young girl, I was always terrified that if I wasn’t a “good enough  girl” that my adoptive parents would pack me up and send me back to the orphanage from whence I came. And when I was a “bad girl,” it somehow always meant physical pain in the form of a beating. As a teenager, I came to understand that the boys who professed their love for me really only wanted sex ..read more
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How to validate yourself
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
My mother grew up in the mountains of Appalachia where people were  hard working, poorly fed, poorly educated but God-fearing and fiercely loving of each other. Still, her mother was a harsh woman. When my mom was “bad” her mother would send her outside with a pen knife to cut a switch from the tree and bring it back in so her mother could beat her with it. Welts. She said she always had welts on her back. She didn’t get much validation in her childhood home. Sadly, neither did I.I remember being told to “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Another favorite from my moth ..read more
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How Practicing Mindfulness Is Helping Me Get Through Lockdown
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
“Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” Jon Kabat-Zinn It happened gradually. Angry outbursts when driving. His way of trying to shut me up. But I don’t have a history of shutting up just because someone else wants me to be quietThe first time it happened, we were driving in his car on the way to a weekend retreat with some of my friends, something I look forward to immensely every year. I had asked him when he was planning to come over and put up my gazebo like he had promised several times he would do, It didn’t seem like a big ask since  he had already vo ..read more
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Which came first BPD or Anxiety?
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Most of us who have been diagnosed with BPD know all too well the anxiety monster that lives in your heads. I have long believed that anxiety fuels BPD but the real question is: which came first, BPD or Anxiety? First, I think it is important to examine what anxiety is. Anxiety is your body’s natural reaction to fear. It can manifest itself in many different ways. Many people say they experience a racing heart, or rapid breathing, their hands may get clammy or sweat, or they may feel fluttering in your stomach. Some people experience a great burst of adrenaline or a burst of energy It comes fr ..read more
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Pleased to host my very first guest blogger, Mary Ann Kettering
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Mary Ann Kettering’s first blog piece Learning about my BPD diagnosis was traumatic Learning about my BPD diagnosis was very traumatic all by itself. I’ve really struggled with this information. It’s been very hard to come to terms with it. But, it has also been kind of a relief because it helps explain things I’ve wondered about my whole life. I could never understand how I could be fine one minute and then just in a huge rage the next. I know it also puzzled most of the people around me. I guess if you asked most of the people who know me they would tell you that I’m a normal girl ..read more
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Some things to remember if you are struggling with BPD
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
Some things to remember if you are struggling with your BPD diagnosis No one every wakes up one morning and makes a decision to have a personality disorder. It doesn’t work that way. If you are struggling with your BPD diagnosis, these are some of the things I want you to try to remember.  1.     It’s not your fault BPD is no one’s fault, least of all yours. There is some scientific research that is pointing to issues with brain chemistry in a key part of the brain called the amygdala which is a very primitive part. This is where our fight or flight responses live. When we perceive a threat o ..read more
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How to help yourself feel more worthy of anything
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
I want to talk about how to help yourself feel worthy of anything. When you are trying to make changes in yourself and are questioning whether or not you even deserve to have a different life, it can be really difficult to believe that you even deserve you do. So, I’m going to frame this in a comparison to weight loss. We have all struggled with this issue at some time in our lives. Maybe you have put on a lot of weight after you had a baby. Maybe you haven’t been exercising as much as you used to. Maybe you’ve moved into a more sedentary job. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, all y ..read more
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The many benefits of practicing mindfulness which make it a super power
BPD No More Blog
by Dee Chan
4y ago
If you struggle carving out any “me time” then mindfulness is probably something you need to learn how to practice. It’s all about finding time when you can be alone with yourself in the present moment. In fact, many really busy people believe that practicing mindfulness is what keeps them sane in the busy world they navigate every day. If you can find a nice, quiet spot in your home where you can sit and reflect on the things that happened to you during the past twenty-four hours, it will give you some time to take a step away from them, process them, compartmentalize them if needed and gain ..read more
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