14 and 8
It's never been better
by ellie
2y ago
So, I didn’t mention it on the 11th because sometimes you just have to make happy, and this month has been a good month. Valentine’s Day marks 14 years and 3 days since the night I made a decision that resulted in a car wreck, which killed Gracie. I don’t know if her father gets sad on the 11th. Part of me hopes that he does, that he remembers her; part of me hopes that he doesn’t – for various reasons. Neither of us should have gone through losing her. 14 years and 3 days ago was worse than the night I had the stroke, worse than any other time, ever. The 11th was also 8 years and 3 days after ..read more
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:)
It's never been better
by ellie
2y ago
It’s never been better ..read more
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Where I’ve Been
It's never been better
by ellie
2y ago
The truth? I haven’t posted much this year because I’ve been working on me, I’m so happy that I’m still here. The end of last year was pretty rough. I got low – really low; and not in a depressed-but-manageable sort of way. Adam and my cat were all that kept me from offing myself. I’m in a better place, despite the journey that it took to get here. I’m seeing a fantastic psychologist. I couldn’t have gotten through some of what I got through without my psychologist. My psychiatrist worked hard and my medication has been tweaked to what I need. Adam is still the happiest-making person for me, b ..read more
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That moment when…
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
That moment when I realized that I’m seven years and seven months past my stroke. Wow. I’ve come so damn far ..read more
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7
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
7 years. It feels like it’s been so much longer, but also feels like it was yesterday. I relive that day every year. 10:00. I’m going to Target with Heather and Eric right now. 1:00. We’re stopping at Chipotle. I remember Costco. Being exhausted at Target. I remember getting in my car and driving to the gym. Most strikingly, I remember the flat tire on my road bike and deciding to go for my 20 laps at the pool instead. Then, feeling weird in the middle of a lap; the water swallowing me; choking on liquid next to the pool; being on a stretcher flying down the hall of the YMCA. I want to go back ..read more
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1 year
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
I left the hospital exactly one year ago today. Thank you, TIRR ..read more
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What it is to burn
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
July 24, 2019 I won’t explain why it started. Nobody needs to know. The confusion and my slowed heart rate made it hard for me to make sense of things. Stumbling into the living room, I called the Dr. Scheiss’ office. Dr. Scheiss’ nurse practitioner answered and I began telling her things – I don’t remember what things. Then it was the nurse practitioner, the 911 operator, and myself on the phone. Then it was me and the 911 operator. Then the living room was filled with men in uniforms, and I remember staring at those big black boots from the floor. When did I lay on the floor? My chest hurt ..read more
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Random
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
Tonight I wish I’d never had a stroke. I miss me. Time to wake up again. See you tomorrow ..read more
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That was fast
It's never been better
by ellie
3y ago
I don’t know why I haven’t written in so long. The pandemic has countries in a mess, this election year is… weird, I’m still recovering from last year’s hospital stint, I don’t know how to explain to people what happened, the Astros need to pick it up for the season, and I need to get my ass in gear. So, that’s the past year in a nutshell ..read more
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Peanut Butter and Nutella Sandwiches
It's never been better
by ellie
4y ago
Quarantine hasn’t been kind to me. I take that back – I haven’t been kind to myself during quarantine. I’ve walked around the apartment and kept up with calisthenics… sometimes. I’ve gained 8lbs, which is no small amount for someone just under 5’2″. (Heads up, Lucas.) I should have and could have been consistent with working out during all of this but, damn I love peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches. I’m positive that I’m not the only person who’s dropped the ball during all of this, but I hate that I took the opportunity to miss the chance to keep moving. So, alternate day fasting and calist ..read more
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