Were Ross and Rachel on a Break?
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
1M ago
The Recap Ross and Rachel are in an argument that they've had several times before. Rachel says that she wants to take a break and Ross leaves without a word. He then receives support from Chandler and Joey and shares his interpretation that Rachel wants to break up. Ross ends up having a one-night stand with another woman, and Rachel reaches out to repair their relationship the next day. It comes out that Ross slept with someone else and he defends it by saying he and Rachel were on a break, so he did nothing wrong. Problem #1: Were they on a break or were they broken up? It would have been ..read more
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What Exactly is Gaslighting?
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
7M ago
While I’m so happy that mental health conversations are becoming more mainstream and many people are finding information and validation through social media, there are some terms that are getting misused. Gaslighting is one that I keep seeing online that is not always being used correctly. So what is it? Gaslighting is a “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one ..read more
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How to Give a Good Apology
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
8M ago
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all had an apology that either didn’t feel sincere, the person didn’t take full responsibility, or they deflected to another issue. This might sound like: “Fine!!! I’m sorry!" “You know I didn’t mean it.” “I’m sorry, but you dropped the ball yesterday too.” “I was just kidding.” “If I apologize, you have to drop it.” “I'm sorry, but I’m just being honest.” “I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” Or even like this... (Sorry, David, this didn’t quite cut it).    These versions are dismissive, conditional, avoid responsibility, and don’t acknowledge th ..read more
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When Your Grief "Doesn't Count"
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
2y ago
When your grief “Doesn’t count” To be honest, the Western world is generally not great at acknowledging or supporting grief.  Many of us get uncomfortable because we feel helpless to make our loved ones feel better, we don't like reminders of mortality, and it requires a lot of vulnerability and discomfort to just sit with someone's pain. This means we tend to emotionally exit pretty quickly with dismissive comments that are meant to be helpful ("At least you had them for as long as you did." "It'll get better.") or no longer checking in with the person's grief after the initial loss. Tha ..read more
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Bodies change. They are supposed to. (April newsletter)
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
3y ago
Our bodies. They bloat, they stretch, they lose weight and gain muscle, lose muscle and gain weight. They sag, get injured, they scar and recover, they scar and don't recover. They protect us, they hold emotional pain, they play, they climb, they pump oxygen and blood. In other words, they do a lot and it's all part of the joys of having a body. But when it comes to changes in weight and/or appearances, I hear a lot of critical language being thrown around. While this is a common conversation for me to have with clients, I've been having it a lot more with people because of the pandem ..read more
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Four Types of Self-Care
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
3y ago
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde“Self-care” gets thrown around a lot, but what is it? Basically, it’s anything you do to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health, and allows you to show yourself the compassion and time that you show others. The most common ones we hear about are massages and bubble baths. Now, I’m not knocking those types of self-care, but one date with a rubber ducky isn’t going to offset the entirety of a stressful week. Most of us are better at reactive self-care (whe ..read more
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The Art of Self-Compassion
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4y ago
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” What is it? Self-compassion acknowledges our struggles as normal and valid, and extends kindness to ourselves, especially when we perceive that we failed. It’s choosing to understand our experience and focus on validation rather than on judgment and shame. The opposite is self-criticism. It’s pretty easy to slip into self-talk that sounds like this: “I can’t believe I messed that up - I’m such an idiot!” Imagine the impact that would have on your child, partner, colleague, friend, parent, student, if y ..read more
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Finding Stillness through 5 Minutes of Breathing
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4y ago
Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash It’s the simplest reminder and gesture, yet one that escapes us all the time. While many people suggest deep breathing to handle anxiety, I tend to stay away from those exercises when someone’s anxiety is very heightened. Anxiety can cause us to hold or shorten our breath, hyperventilate, or engage in irregular or shallow breathing. What this means for the body is that the chest gets tight, which then makes it harder to breathe, which can then make us feel anxious about our tight chest and irregular br ..read more
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6 Things a Therapist Wants You to Know
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4y ago
My experience with therapy The first time I went to a therapist I was a little girl. I don’t really remember much other than making a clay pigeon, having to pretend I was a lion, and feeling PROFOUNDLY uncomfortable. As much as I disliked it, it did end up actually helping me.  I later sought out therapy as an 18-year old with a psychologist who didn’t bother to build any rapport with me and instead plunked me in front of a computer to fill out questionnaires. As a psych major, I knew what the questions were getting at and lied because I didn’t have any trust established with her. That relatio ..read more
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