Going Round in Circles... (Part One)
Amy's Mystery Illness
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2y ago
(TW: mentions of Trauma, Domestic Abuse, Suicidal Feelings, and Overdose) (Due to the length of the blog post, I have split this into two posts. This is part one, where I talk about my studies and my mental health.) First of all, I want to apologise for not blogging in about 6 months (has it really been that long?!). I have had a lot going on this year; new beginnings, endings, new stresses, changes, relapses. A lot. I guess this will be another big update post, so I will try to organise it as best I can! MSc Psychology I can't remember if I mentioned this before (possibly not, as I was a lit ..read more
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Interpersonal Therapy (Take Two) - Session 5
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Suicide, Trauma, Abortion, Domestic Abuse, and TMI Symptoms) This session was the end of the first section of Interpersonal Therapy. My therapist had written a Formulation of my Depression as a whole, as well as recent depressive episodes, support networks, triggers etc. I will go into this in more detail at the end of this post.  My PHQ-9 was 20/27, and my GAD score was 14/21, indicating moderate to severe Depression and Generalised Anxiety. My phobia scale stayed constant; between 5 and 6 for each score. My Work and Social Adjustment score was 20, which sho ..read more
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A Pain in the Arse
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of Cancer, Laxatives, Appetite Changes, and TMI symptoms)  I've mentioned a bit about my stomach and bowel problems in recent posts, where it has affected my mental health. Up until now, I haven't told you the whole story though.  I've had Irritable Bowel Syndrome for over 10 years; it being suggested by a GP well before my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, and then finally finding its way on to my ever-growing list of medical conditions. I've found it affecting me in a pretty mild way, with constipation being the main problem, and diarrhea only occurring when very st ..read more
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Interpersonal Therapy (Take Two) - Session 4
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
As with other sessions, I had to fill in my PHQ9 etc and my Symptom Review. I scored quite highly on the Depression and Anxiety questionnaires particularly, but this was mainly for reasons related to my physical health. For about 5 months now, I have been having some awful stomach and bowel problems. I am already diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), but what I have been experiencing is out of the ordinary for me. Waiting for test results had me worrying about all sorts of possible diagnoses, including Bowel Cancer. (I will talk about this in full in the next blog post).  My 5 mo ..read more
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Interpersonal Therapy (Take Two) Session 3
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Suicide, Self Harm, and Childhood Bullying)  This session, we were to speak about previous depressive episodes, in order to create a "timeline" of events and declines in my mental health. We were also going to start to draw up a diagram of my key relationships (family, friends, any romantic partners etc). In the week leading up to this session, I had a lot of times where I felt quite on edge and irritable. I do tend to have a hatred of sound sometimes, usually when I'm overwhelmed. It tends to be more sounds of people's voices rather than inanimate objects ..read more
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Interpersonal Therapy (Take two) Session 2
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of past trauma, and an abusive relationship) Leading up to session 2 of Interpersonal Therapy, I thought I would have to talk about past trauma and previous episodes of Depression. I spent the past week ruminating over this, feeling much worse by the time session 2 came around. I even had a horribly triggering dream; the night before therapy. It involved confronting my abusive ex about everything he'd done, and him denying everything. His friends, and some of my ex friends didn't believe me either. It made me feel so invalidated and unsafe. I woke up paranoid, and un ..read more
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Interpersonal Therapy (Take Two) Session 1
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Self Harm and Suicidal Feelings)  After a major Depression and mood swings relapse, and encouraging words from loved ones, I decided to ask for help again. Initially, I thought I just needed my medication/dose changing but when calling Access/Crisis team, I was told I would probably benefit from therapy again, and my GP should be able to review my mental health medication. I reluctantly called Primary Care/IAPT to book an assessment and see what therapies were available (thinking they would just put me onto CBT again) but luckily was assessed by a wellbeing p ..read more
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The Connection between Chronic Illness and Self Esteem
Amy's Mystery Illness
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3y ago
 (TRIGGER WARNING: Internalised fatphobia, body image, weight, mental illness, medication) I've rarely had high self esteem, thanks to years of bullying, but my self esteem has taken such a knock since I've had chronic illnesses. Throughout my treatment of chronic physical and mental illness, I have been on various medications, some of which have caused considerable weight gain. I try so hard to be body positive but I don't feel like me anymore and I'm desperate to get back some of my old self. I worry that others will think I've given up taking care of myself even though a combination of ..read more
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My Experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder
Amy's Mystery Illness
by
3y ago
(Disclaimer: The information given here is mainly about my own experiences of Borderline Personality Disorder. The ways I act, react and feel are not necessarily universal to all people with BPD and this should not be used as medical advice or a replacement for formal assessment. If you feel you have any symptoms such as mine, and especially if you have been self harming or suicidal, I urge you to contact your GP as soon as you can. Please let someone know how you feel. You deserve to get help.) (TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of Poor mental health treatment, Stigma against BPD, Self harm, Suicide ..read more
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"Square Peg....Round Hole"
Amy's Mystery Illness
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4y ago
(TRIGGER WARNING: Medication, including dosage and overdose, mentions of self harm, suicide, trauma, hallucinations, domestic abuse, and abortion) For many months, I've been on Citalopram for my Depression. The past month or so, I've been on 40mg (the highest dose). At first, I seemed to be doing well but, especially since trying to contact some charities to help me with my trauma from the abusive relationship I was in, I relapsed badly. My suicidal thoughts have returned, I am being more impulsive with drinking, self harm, and taking small overdoses to help me sleep. I have not been sleepin ..read more
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