(I wrote this over Christmas break but never shared… late, but here it is anyways :) ) Trigger. Finger’s always there… cocked, ready. Pull! Clay shatters… grey like my brain. Hits the target, sprays, explodes.  But there aren’t any clay pigeons. 2018 brought live targets… Christmas, then night one in the hospital. No electrodes, no leeds, no glue rubbing raw my scalp. But an IV, oxygen, and chest monitors… My husband. His turn. Again.  He can’t breathe, gasping for air; I hold mine in, grasping for answers. CT scans, EKGs, blood tests. Nope, not a panic attack. Not stress. This is so ..read more

My life revolves around it. Me- singularly. If I close my eyes… No husband, no child, no job, no… whatever. Music. Any of you relate? There’s a song always for my mood. And I’ll play it- OVER and OVER- til my husband’s shaking his head and pleeeeeading for the repeat button to break. lol It’s gotten me through everything- dance, choir, high school, college, “normal” growing pains, epilepsy, love, depression, happiness, loneliness, highs higher than, lows scarier than… yesterday, today, and again tomorrow. Life. What a gift- music. A beat. Words. Flowing, pumping, whatever the feels. Close your ..read more

You know I was on the phone with my friend Emily two days ago telling her that I hated my speech. I’d written one and chucked that. I wrote the second one and was completely unhappy… And she said that’s because last year you told your own story and it came straight from the heart… This year tell someone else’s story and with you it’ll still come straight from your heart, and she’s right. Whenever I speak about epilepsy, it comes straight from my heart because I live it. And people always say speak what you know. And I know this- epilepsy is a family disease and every time I watch that video, h ..read more

I walked along that street, oblivious to the sweat on my forehead and upper lip, loving the sunshine and the periodic breeze. But what I loved more was watching my son walk with purpose towards every house. Towards every mailbox. Towards wherever he could place one of those purple and white envelopes. He insisted on holding at least 10 at a time- independent from Mommy. Doing it all by himself. After a while, I actually wanted to cry… I was so proud. I am so proud. He’s such a determined boy, such a determined boy for this cause. For epilepsy. But most of all for his family. He may be a Daddy ..read more

They let me kiss her on the forehead while they held her… The sweet little baby girl. Her enamored parents. Being only a month old, hers reminded me of my son’s sweet face when he seemed so incredibly tiny and fragile. Breakable, yet little did I know how resilient he would be. And little did I know how resilient this sweet baby girl would have to be. She wasn’t mine, but I was touching her – her chubby little fingers, all five of them, squeezing my one. The want to both eat her because of all that cuteness, and protect her because she was so tiny, consumed me. I starred at that happy face, th ..read more