Somewhere that’s green
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
I’ve been having warped thoughts recently. What’s new, I hear you ask? Well, let me be a little more specific. I should probably call them complete fantasies. And this isn’t in any way shape or form going where you think it’s going either. Far from it. Drop all thoughts of gymnastic sex and just think “green”. I’ve been out of the city for a while working. Staying in a nice little town on the other side of the M25. There’s a new build brick and render development going up – nothing fancy. I’ve been walking past it every day. All the houses look exactly the, cookie cutter, same. They’ve a black ..read more
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Another year
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
Guido regularly tells me I should try not to over analyse thoughts. Keep it simple. Look in-front of you; don’t look back, otherwise you won’t see what’s ahead of you. He should be a psychologist and if he was analysing me let’s just say he’d be kept pretty busy. I guess he gives sound advice because 99.9% of the time, he’s deliriously happy. I get it. Really I do. But, there is but. “But, what would you describe was your biggest personal highlight of this past year?” I asked Guido in bed this morning. It was very late. I’d eaten a croissant which was messy and there were buttery crumbs betwee ..read more
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To catch a thief
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
There was an article in The Times newspaper last week about the increase in theft from hotels, and how guests were becoming more daring with their exploits. Forget pocketing a mini shampoo bottle or a sewing kit – we’re talking V-Spring mattresses and grand pianos going walkabout. It was only when the weekend pianist turned up that bar staff even noticed the latter had gone. Well let’s just say we’ve had our own spate of things going missing at The Spanish Onion Cafe, so I’ve been put on high alert. And no one is above suspicion. It all started with the cushions and pillows in the booths. 4 we ..read more
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Where’s the beef?
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
“Are you ever tempted to do it?” asked my friend Marc yesterday morning. “Huh?” I said. “Do what?” I was concentrating on scraping the foam from the top of my cappuccino. It was sticky with chocolate sprinklings. It was totally lush. In fact I’m licking my lips as I type those words even now. “You know, things you know you shouldn’t think about, but things you think you might be tempted to do?” said Marc, winking his left eye cryptically. I hate cryptic winks, I never get the nuanced meaning. I looked around the cafe and sucked my spoon pensively. I could see the glass chiller and in it was a ..read more
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War and Peace in South London
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
“Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes.” Trust me this isn’t Tolstoy but it is a kinda, War and Peace. Sorry to suddenly get all la de da literary on you but I was reading an article about a collection of short stories which has just been published. It’s called “Short Stories For Plants”.  It’s for people (complete fruit cakes) who want to talk to their plants but need a point of reference – so rather than just bore their aspidistra to death they read the poor thing a bedtime story. I have not lost the plot. Readers who have been following this blog fo ..read more
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Full frontal
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
I am using this blog to offer a public apology to a woman who was sitting on the upper deck of a London bus last night. I hope she wasn’t too traumatised by what she witnessed and that the memory will slowly and permanently fade from her mind. If not, I think she’ll sue. I should explain. Our apartment above The Spanish Onion Cafe is one story up a flight of stairs and has windows which look right out onto the busy street below. There are cars and buses and very determined people who walk very fast carrying brief cases and satchels who get on those buses. Did I mention buses? They honk and the ..read more
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Three men and a jockstrap
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
4y ago
Readers of a nervous disposition are warned that the following text contains a description of three men (one currently unknown) a discarded jockstrap, and a bacon sandwich. However, to those readers who are emotionally stable and who have been actively trawling the internet in the hope of one day finally finding a blog post about three men (one now going commando), dodgy knicker elastic, and, a pork rasher – then please read excitedly on… But first, indulge me for a moment. Let me draw your eyes up above the front door of The Spanish Onion Cafe. There hangs, appropriately, a Spanish onion. It ..read more
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Love is in the air
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
5y ago
I left a random comment on my friend Blobby’s blog about a month ago. In it I described how I’d been in a cafe in North London minding my own business, but had slowly become aware of a man and a woman seated behind me. Both of them were talking loud enough to be overheard. I won’t bore you with the exact details of their diatribe but their views were that homosexuality was a shameful abomination. It absolutely shocked me. Yet what had made me particularly mad about that day was not, ironically, the man and the woman. It had been my own reaction. I was so furious with myself that I hadn’t been ..read more
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Vote, Jean-Paul!
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
5y ago
It’s times like this, where there are no obvious political leaders across the political divide, that desperate times call for desperate measures.  It’s why I’m now stepping up and offering my services to take over the running of my country. I realise this will probably involve getting up out of bed before 8 am on weekdays, and limiting myself to one and a half bottles of wine a night, but if Churchill could do it then so can I. For the sake of a prosperous future I’m prepared to make any reasonable sacrifice – as long as there’s a big official car and unlimited access to business class air tra ..read more
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Food for the soul
MyHusband&I - Two Guys making out & trying to make it
by itsmyhusbandandme
5y ago
I’m one of those people for whom music can trigger very vivid memories. Which would explain why whenever I hear The Gypsy Kings track “Bamboleo” it makes me want to rip all my clothes off. I was reminded of this fact last night but first let me rewind you, by way of a silly explanation, to when I used to regularly stop by The Spanish Onion cafe during my lunch break. This was before Guido and I were dating, simultaneously removing each other’s clothing, or liberally spreading condiments onto each other’s bodies on a regular basis. Though I was definitely thinking about all of that. I was young ..read more
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