Around the time I graduated high school, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. This was hard news for the family and for me. There is no cure for Parkinson's. We didn't know what the future would hold. But My dad responded well to the Parkinson's drugs and his favorite activity, riding a bike, was one of the best things to fire the important neurons and slow the degeneration. It looked as though he could live a somewhat normal life. But after about 20 years, things started to change. The Parkinson's morphed into a completely different type of dementia. This has been heart-breaking be ..read more

I like things that make life more awesome. The below are my "life hacks" for awesomeness. These are things I strive for, knowing that I will not achieve perfection, but that my striving will point me in the right direction. Most of these are taken directly from one or many spiritual traditions, or from individuals who I admire. Others are just my way of articulating common sense in a way that feels meaningful to me. Without further ado: 1. Always be loving more. As far as awesomeness goes, love is where it's at. Love is about as awesome as it gets in this life so I think it's worth striving t ..read more

My lover likes to change her clothes Sometimes a dark evening gown Other times, a frumpy sweater Somehow, always more beautiful Sometimes she wears a disguise But she cannot hide for long I know my love Sometimes she wears blond hair Other times brunette Then black like silk Then brown curls like the ocean Sometimes dark skin Then fair Sometimes short Then tall But I always know my love She is God wearing different clothes I have always loved her Even before I first saw her There were times When I doubted her love for me Like doubting the sun on a cloudy day Or in the dark of night She is alw ..read more

I have been leading men's groups for over 10 years in many different formats and communities. I can tell you that there is no "right" way to do a men's group but there are a few tips that I think can be applied to most any group to help it be as amazing as it can be. If you are reading this I'm going to assume that you already understand the value of having a men's group. Maybe you have been to one or you just know that it is something you need in your life. Men's groups have changed my life for the better and I know they can do so much for our society as a whole. I'm also going to assume tha ..read more

What motivates you to excel at your job? What motivates you to pursue someone you are attracted to? What motivates you to workout and care for your body? There is a lot of talk about what you should do and most guys I talk to have a pretty good idea of what they should do, but it is the motivation that is somehow problematic or not working for them. So I'd like to point out a few of what I call "limiting motivators." These are motivations I see in myself and that I see in my clients. If I have any real understanding of these it is because I have worked with them before and likely still catch ..read more

People have asked me for a therapist referral and when I asked them what kind of therapy they want, it's obvious they are actually looking for a life coach. Other times, I have had people reach out for coaching, when it's clear they need a therapist. General clarification seems lacking so I'll ad my 2¢ to the conversation, and I invite other coaches and therapists to confirm, deny, correct, or disagree with me as necessary. The clear difference to me is that therapy is for healing, whereas coaching is for empowerment. Just as athletes go to a physical therapist to heal from an injury and go t ..read more

My greatest fear in relationship is that she leaves. She leaves and my life is destroyed. This fear comes from my childhood. I have idyllic memories of my early childhood. I remember my parents being head-over-heels in love with each other. I remember being head-over-heels in love with both of them, with my family. Then, I remember my mom yelling at my dad. Then she left. It was as though my heart was ripped from my chest. I remember witnessing my father's pain, first hand, the sorrow, the helplessness. He seemed pitiful, powerless, pathetic, and I felt the same way. I was even more pathetic ..read more

Beautiful women used to drive me crazy. I would see an attractive woman and instead of being filled with joy, I would begin to strategize how I might talk to her, or whether I should talk to her. I would question whether or not I deserved to talk to such a beautiful women. I would question my own worth in the presence of such beauty. I remember feeling like I didn’t measure up. I remember feeling like she had all the power If I got an opportunity to interact with her, I would stumble over my words and say awkward things. I would try to not stare at her boobs. I would do my best not to show ho ..read more

It's not about consent... It's about mind-blowing love. Pleasure requires relaxation, and relaxation requires safety. If my lover does not feel safe, she cannot relax, so she will not be able to feel her desire or her pleasure. The same goes for me: if I don't feel safe, I will not relax, and I will not feel my desire nor my pleasure. Love works in the same way that pleasure does: for people to open up emotionally, they need to feel emotionally safe. They need to trust that their partner will be there for them, otherwise that connection cannot happen. What is required for pleasure is required ..read more

"If you are pretty you are not smart." "If you are beautiful, you are not tough." These were the phrases that popped into my head while trying to figure out what felt so vulnerable about this photo of me. There is a certain softness about the photo, an almost feminine quality to it. I look younger than I am. I look vulnerable. This photo was scary for me and I couldn't figure out exactly why until those two phrases popped into my head. I don't want people to think that I'm stupid. I don't want people to think that I am weak. If people think you are stupid, they don't take you seriously. If yo ..read more