So much of this blog has ended up being about reaching impossible milestones which is something I could never have predicted and would certainly never dared to imagine when I began writing. It feels a bit weird to be quoting my own blog but really it is the very best way to show how utterly extraordinary today feels. Way back in January 2015, the night before my eldest nephew turned 18 , I wrote the following – “He is the oldest of my fine selection of eight nephews and nieces but being the first he was the one who made me an auntie for the first time and to this day he still calls me Aunty L ..read more

For months now I have been trying to work out what to write for today’s blog. Whenever I’ve been out running, when I can’t sleep, when I’m pottering around I’ve been trying to plan the ultimate “I have been living with stage IV for 10 years” blog post.… It is such a ridiculously enormous milestone and as such it has loomed large for months. It feels impossible to sum up what it means and at the same time I’ve found it really hard to plan what to write as even the act of thinking about it feels like I’m being complacent in assuming I’ll make it to 24th September. I worry that people will think ..read more

I have been feeling very neglectful of my blog as have failed to post anything this year.  When I was I first diagnosed with melanoma in 2011, in a search for reassurance, I’d spend hours trawling the internet trying to find stories of people who had (as I did back then) stage III melanoma but who didn’t progress. Sadly I struggled to find such a thing and instead people would ‘start out like me’ then they’d progress and then they’d mysteriously stop updating their blogs….. I was not naive enough to hope that these people were doing great and living joyful fulfilling lives …. back then …t ..read more

Last year I ran a lot (for me) and by the end of 2021 I was extremely proud of my 500 miles. Mostly I ran 3 miles/5km and throughout the year I managed a couple of 6mile/10km runs and was ridiculously pleased with myself. A couple of months into the year I got it into my head that perhaps I should try for a 1000 miles. For reasons, I really can’t quite fathom, I thought it was a good idea. It might’ve been because I didn’t have a lot else on, the weather was cool and I seemed, without too much trouble, to have upped my regular runs to the longer ones. So, I thought averaging 3 x 6 miles a week ..read more

So – here I go again – another anniversary. Even just writing ‘9 years’ makes me feel a little teary as it’s ridiculous and wonderful and I am very very lucky. 9 years living with stage IV cancer – an utter madness! As is so often the case this particular anniversary has also coincided with scans. Since the ‘scare’ more like ‘terror’ back in June I’ve been upgraded from 6 monthly to 3 monthly brain MRIs (alongside the body CT) so instead of just having the double scans twice a year I now have the treat of getting them every time. SO, lots of and lots of anxiety and dread made infinitely worse ..read more

Way back in the dim and distant past when Oscar was a tiny little thing and we were contemplating where to send him to secondary school I found myself totally caught out watching a school publicity film with a load of enormous children joyfully receiving their GSCE results. I found the whole process of looking at secondary schools pretty extraordinary and with my ‘months not years’ prognosis having been given when Oscar was in year 3, I was quite shocked that here we were with a year 6 kid and I was going to be able be involved in choosing where he went next. So the sight of all these children ..read more

It turns out that I am the girl who cried mets! So incredibly relieved to be told that whatever it is that is lurking in my brain has gone from ‘tiny’ to even tinier and therefore, although the scan report says that it ‘remains indeterminate….. it’s not confirmatory for brain metastasis’. It’s been suggested that further surveillance is probably wise and my brain MRIs will move from 6 monthly to 3 monthly but compared to what I thought I was going to be told, that I can live with! What is it I hear you ask? Well – who knows! The best explanation I have been given is essentially it is the downs ..read more

So – 1 week to go. I’m due to have my follow-up brain MRI next Monday morning (18th June) and then my results late morning next Wednesday (20th). As I said in the previous post, it may well be that this scan also proves to be inconclusive. Ideally my doctor had wanted a 5 or 6 week wait between scans but due to his holiday commitments it would have ended up being 7 weeks and I just couldn’t wait that long. So, it may well be that what ever the tiny something that has caused such a disproportionate massive amount of distress is unchanged and therefore we’re none the wiser. I’m assume if that is ..read more

I had very much hoped to write a cheery blog post about Oscar finishing his GSCEs and his time at his current school and how ridiculously proud of him I am. All of this is still very much the case and we had a lovely evening of celebration last night and I genuinely couldn’t be more proud of him. However, because life can be very cruel and the timing is just shit – today was scan results today and it was the 6 monthly double of body CT and brain MRI. The CT is reassuringly fine – everything stable and my currently treatment is clearly keeping things in check. However, the brain MRI has the ter ..read more

My slightly mad March challenge was to walk more and run further. My goal was to run 100 miles throughout the month and to manage at least 10,000 steps a day. Why? Was I trying to raise some money? – No – I’ve already asked too often. Was it about fitness? – A little bit…… I definitely feel better when I exercise. I have absolutely no control over my cancer (I have pills for that) but I can at least control my fitness. However, with my kettlebell sessions and my usual regular amount of running I am already pretty fit and probably don’t need to be doing any more. Was it about the challenge? Aga ..read more