18 months. In some ways it seems like an eternity, and in other ways it seems like just yesterday that I said my final good-bye to my mom. Life has completely changed without my mom here. I would be lying if I said that things weren't all around easier without the chaos of coordinating caregiving schedules and hurrying over in the mornings to bathe Mom and worrying about her throughout the day, worrying about the future. But I still miss her. I miss being able to touch her, hug her, tell her things; even if she didn't understand what I was saying, there was still some sort of comfort in ta ..read more

One year. How can time seem fast and slow at the same time? We have been through our firsts of everything without mom: the first holiday season, the first birthday, the first Mother's Day. And now, the first anniversary of the day she left us. They say that it gets easier with time. If that's true, then why does it still hurt so much? Why have I spent the entire day (and the days building up to today) feeling so down and in tears? I knew it would be hard. I tried to give myself a distraction. Several months ago, we planned a family vacation for the last two weeks of July. It seemed like a ..read more

It's been a while since I've last written. Life is moving forward. The seasons are changing, the kids are growing. It's strange to be in a time and place where my mom does not exist. Sometimes I watch the news or hop onto social media and I think about how lucky she was to never have to see some of the ugliness and craziness going on in the world. If everything I've been taught is true, then she's in a glorious place where sorrow and ugly doesn't exist. Other times I am left feeling sorry that she never got to grow old; she never got to watch her grandkids grow, and see all that they are accom ..read more

It's been a while since my last post. Partly because the holidays are always a really busy time, but also because the holidays were really hard this year. I didn't figure anyone wanted to read another depressing post about how much I was missing my mom. I actually sat down and tried to write a happier post, but I just wasn't feeling it. Everyone said the first holidays without your loved one are rough. I guess I didn't anticipate it would be so hard because we had started losing my mom a long time ago. She hadn't known what Christmas was for a few years. Yet, it was different and it was painf ..read more

Last Sunday was our 3rd annual Purple Boat Float. If you've missed my posts about it in years past, it is a beautiful event put on by the Commission of Aging here in Riverside. People come together and sign/dedicate a boat to their loved one who has been affected by dementia. At dusk, we take the boats out into the lake and light tea light candle in them, launching them out into the water. It is a very sweet evening. It started after a group of us came together to start the Purple City Alliance, which helps bring awareness and training about how to deal with dementia to businesses, making ou ..read more

Last night, my daughter performed in our city's version of "America's Got Talent". It was her first competition and the talent for the night was amazing! Over 70 people auditioned and only 19 of those made it into the actual show; Aubrey was one of them. I wrote all about it and posted the video of her amazing performance on my other blog (click here), but the other part of my feelings about the night seemed more appropriate to share here. First of all, I am so grateful for the wonderful family members and friends who came to support her in this big show. This is the biggest thing she has b ..read more

One of the strange things about Mom being gone is that the house is always empty. Before, there was always someone there. We had a constant flow of family and caregivers. My dad hadn't needed to set his alarm system in a good couple of years because someone was always there. Our caregivers became like family to us. They were so involved in our day-to-day lives. Mom bonded with them. The grandkids bonded with them. We bonded with them. Even our extended family members bonded with them, especially through the last week of Mom's life and all of the family activities (and the funeral) which follo ..read more

I've had two exciting things happen this week! One was announced yesterday as our documentary went live (if you missed it, be sure to check it out!). The second is that I launched a new blog!! I am excited and nervous all at the same time. Whenever I write and put myself out there I feel a bit vulnerable...are people going to read what I post? Will they like what I write? Can I succeed with this venture? I am going into this with the mindset that this is for me. Writing is something I have always loved to do and this new blog is helping me to focus on happy, light-hearted things while express ..read more

At long last, our documentary is here!! Grab your tissues. It was a mix of emotions for me to watch the video. Part of it was filmed last summer (2016) while the last bits were filmed just this past July...only weeks before my mom passed away. It brought tears to my eyes to see her on camera, to remember those last precious moments that she was with us. For those who have been reading my blog over these past several years (particularly those whom I haven't met), this video really brings our family to life. I hope you will watch it and capture a glimpse of the love between my parents and our f ..read more

Last week was a better week for me, emotionally. I almost made it through the entire week without crying! I decided to move forward and start writing another blog. Much of my week consisted of designing my site, writing content and watching tutorials on how to write a successful blog, with a potential of making money. I'd love to be able to contribute income to my family in doing something that I love-writing! I am still waiting on a couple of things before I am ready to launch my blog, but hopefully it will be this week! Between writing, working on my new blog and working on some sewing ord ..read more