In their early testing days, before they even had a name, Pop-Tarts were referred to internally as “fruit scones.” Now I’m pretty sure they could open an entire bakery just with the all the garbage they’ve stuffed into Pop-Tarts… Anyway, your latest garbage scone is Snickerdoodle. Kellogg’s Snickerdoodle Pop-Tarts What Their Saying: Savor the mouthwatering flavor of Snickerdoodle Pop-Tarts® – topped with crunchy cinnamon sugar and filled with vanilla, butter, and cinnamon flavors! What I’m Saying: My favorite fruit is cookies! While I won’t let it sour my opinion on the taste, you would h ..read more

Man, when Little Debbie isn’t making us fat, she’s making us fatter! Little Debbie Ice Cream It’s official: Little Debbie now has a bigger presence in your kitchen than you do… As if your pantry wasn’t already a permanent home to Ms. Debbie’s snack cakes (how DID those get in there, anyway?), your lunch box has now invaded your freezer too thanks to A TRUCKLOAD of new Little Debbie Ice Creams that are here to absolutely destroy your diet: Oatmeal Creme Pies ice cream. Cosmic Brownies ice cream. Zebra Cakes ice cream. Honey Buns ice cream. Strawberry Shortcake Rolls ice cream. Swiss Rolls i ..read more

Did you know that there were rumors that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created to discourage America to stop masturbating? While these rumors aren’t directly true (Mr. Kellogg was a strict proponent of abstinence from all sexual activity and did encourage a bland diet as one means to discourage masturbatory urges), Kellogg’s now has some flakes that could have the opposite effect… Introducing some new Frosted Flakes that, depending on how excited you get about food, might encourage you to masturbate! Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes & Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes For t ..read more

Who knew that putting cereal in cereal is all it would take to get me to eat more cereal?! General Mills Instant Oatmeals General Mills is trying their hand at the other cereal, introducing five instant oatmeals inspired by some of their classic cereals. The flavors are: Lucky Charms Oatmeal Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal Trix Oatmeal Cocoa Puffs Oatmeal Cookie Crisp Oatmeal If there was even a debate about which cereal was better (hot or cold), that debate is officially over. When you take one and put it in the other to make the second better, you’ve officially declared which one rules an ..read more

A wave of excitement rushes over you as you open your eyes. It’s Christmas morning! You rush down the stairs. Santa’s fat ass is stuck in the chimney, but you don’t care. All you want is some Christmas cookies for breakfast, with a tall glass of 4,000 calorie eggnog. Which cookie are you reaching for first? (Okay, obviously the answer is all of them, but which is your favorite?) Is it the classic sugar cookie? Tried and true gingerbread? Those peanut butter blossoms with the Hershey’s kiss you choke on? For me, it’s snickerdoodle. Plus some of the Oreos I put out because I was too lazy to ba ..read more

Football season is back baby!! For most of us, this means fighting off the Sunday scares with wing specials, shitty beer, maddening fantasy football outcomes and losing half of your salary betting on the over. And if you’re really doing it right, hopefully going to a live game and a killer tailgate party. If your idea of a good tailgate is a cooler full of a cold beer, the company of your most rambunctious friends, some cornhole and delicious food hot off the grill, then well… you don’t work for Brach’s. Brach’sidea of a good tailgate is fruit punch and hot dog flavored candy corn. Brach’s T ..read more

Man, when Little Debbie isn’t making us fat, she’s making us fatter! Little Debbie Ice Cream It’s official: Little Debbie now has a bigger presence in your kitchen than you do… As if your pantry wasn’t already a permanent home to Ms. Debbie’s snack cakes (how DID those get in there, anyway?), your lunch box has now invaded your freezer too thanks to A TRUCKLOAD of new Little Debbie Ice Creams that are here to absolutely destroy your diet: Oatmeal Creme Pies ice cream. Cosmic Brownies ice cream. Zebra Cakes ice cream. Honey Buns ice cream. Strawberry Shortcake Rolls ice cream. Swiss Rolls i ..read more

Did you know that there were rumors that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created to discourage America to stop masturbating? While these rumors aren’t directly true (Mr. Kellogg was a strict proponent of abstinence from all sexual activity and did encourage a bland diet as one means to discourage masturbatory urges), Kellogg’s now has some flakes that could have the opposite effect… Introducing some new Frosted Flakes that, depending on how excited you get about food, might encourage you to masturbate! Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes & Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes For t ..read more

Did you know that there were rumors that Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created to discourage America to stop masturbating? While these rumors aren’t directly true (Mr. Kellogg was a strict proponent of abstinence from all sexual activity and did encourage a bland diet as one means to discourage masturbatory urges), Kellogg’s now has some flakes that could have the opposite effect… Introducing some new Frosted Flakes that, depending on how excited you get about food, might encourage you to masturbate! Cinnamon French Toast Frosted Flakes & Strawberry Milkshake Frosted Flakes For t ..read more

Who knew that putting cereal in cereal is all it would take to get me to eat more cereal?! General Mills Instant Oatmeals General Mills is trying their hand at the other cereal, introducing five instant oatmeals inspired by some of their classic cereals. The flavors are: Trix Oatmeal Lucky Charms Oatmeal Cinnamon Toast Crunch Oatmeal Cocoa Puffs Oatmeal Cookie Crisp Oatmeal If there was even a debate about which cereal was better (hot or cold), that debate is officially over. When you take one and put it in the other to make the second better, you’ve officially declared which one rules an ..read more