I Need A Raise
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
2d ago
I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise. My boss asked, "What companies?" I replied, "Gas, water, and electricity." #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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Friday Funnies: 11 Jokes to Start Your Weekend Right
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
6d ago
Did you know that the Icelandic alphabet does not contain the letter Z… How do they sleep at night? I was surprised to learn I weigh zero milligrams. I was like 0mg! I was annoyed when my wife gave me a coffin for my birthday. I said, “this is the last thing that I need.“ Went to the beach and fed the birds cannabis laced cake. They seemed to like it… I left no tern unstoned! A spider asked a human, "Why are you afraid of me?" Human: "Well, all the reasons I had have been replaced by the fact that you can talk." Just saw three people jogging outside my window, and it inspired me... To get up a ..read more
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The Accident That's About to Happen
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
6d ago
Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg. Wife: Who is Sabrina? #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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The Forgotten Name
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
6d ago
Two old friends met by chance on the street. After chatting for some time one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me". The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?" #joke Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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7 Short Jokes for Your Weekend Chuckle Fest
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
2w ago
After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains. A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You can't do that here!" I said "Why not?" He said "You have to cremate him first!" What has 2 buts and kills people? An assassin Why did the vegan cross the road? Ti tell someone they're a vegan! I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you." I couldn't believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return! I made a pencil with an eraser on each end. It was pointless. I was out drinking with my mates at a party l ..read more
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28 Morbidly Amusing Dark Humor Jokes to Tickle Your Macabre Side
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
3w ago
If you find these jokes funny, something is probably wrong with you! I was digging in the garden and happened to find a chest with a lot of gold coins. I wanted to run home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in the garden. What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children. The doctor gave me one month to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, anyway he won't come. Cremation is my final hope for a smoking-hot body. What's the last thing in a fly's head as it hits the win ..read more
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Love Me After Marriage
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
3w ago
A married couple were quarreling. Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage? Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes. #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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Actuary vs. Mafia
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
3w ago
What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary? An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. A mafia actuary can name them. #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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Great Presidents
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
3w ago
George Washington was such a great president. He never blamed any of the country's problems on the previous administration. #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more
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Six Quick Jokes to Kickstart Your Week with a Smile
Jokes of the day
by rss@jokesoftheday.net
3w ago
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside? I already have like 50 wooden balls already. I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym yesterday. That's 8 years in a row now. Wife: "I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it!" Husband: [peeing on jellyfish] "This is for stinging my wife." I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy. It’s not like I did anything! I have a contact lens problem. I have no contact lens solution. My wife rang me at the pub and said, “If you’re not home in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked you to the dog.” I was home in 5 ..read more
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