It’s a great problem to have: I haven’t been able to blog lately because I’m in a crunch with a book deadline. My wonderful publisher, Baker Books, awaits the latest draft of The Higher Desire Wife, which will be released early in 2025. Since I’ve been steeped in this topic for a while, I decided to look back at the first-ever post I wrote about higher desire wives, way back in 2012. While I have a LOT more information, insight, and encouragement in my upcoming book (so stay tuned!), what I originally said on this topic held up pretty well. I’d add far more reasons for a husband’s unwillingne ..read more

When I first started this ministry (over 13 years ago!), there were few resources available for Christians wanting sex advice that was both biblical and practical. Yes, they existed, and I’m so grateful to those forerunners! But given the need, the supply wasn’t nearly enough. Nowadays, I can point to resources that provide quality information and wisdom for fostering healthy and holy sexual intimacy in marriage. And yet, local churches have typically lagged behind in this area. Some marriage ministries will cover the topic, at least for a class or two, but most churchgoers won’t hear a sermo ..read more

In the last few weeks, I’ve received three separate questions from wives that overlap in their tone. Summarizing what they asked about: Doesn’t a husband need oral sex to be sexually satisfied? How can I handle a husband who persists in wanting to be pegged (defined below)? Is a wife in the wrong for not wanting her husband to talk about her being with other men, aka cuckolding? Now, I generally believe that husbands love their wives and want to focus their sexual attention on the woman they chose, love, and married. I’ve written several times about my general admiration for men; for exampl ..read more

Last week, I covered the first three of seven misconceptions and false teachings about sex that still hang around out there, coming from Christian authors and speakers, church leaders, and believers in general. While we can have honest and reasonable disagreements about particulars, some principles should be affirmed by all Christians. The first four principles from last week’s post are: Sex is for both of you. God created sex for more than reproduction. Sex is not just a transaction. Force and pressure have no place in the marriage bed. This week, we’re addressing the final three. CLICK ..read more

This post was originally titled 4 Principles Christian Bloggers should affirm about sex. Several times since, I’ve thought that was far too narrow. Rather, all Christians should understand and embrace these principles—the four I’m sharing (again) today and the three I’ll share next week. From time to time, I read an article, listen to a podcast episode, or see a social media post from a Christian about sexual intimacy in marriage and find myself wondering what Bible they’re reading. While the overall message about sex from the Church has improved a lot in my lifetime, misconceptions and false ..read more

Every year, couples around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day, and this celebration hails back to at least the 5th century when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. Who was Saint Valentine? There are three potential saints who might be linked to this holiday, but many of us favor one particular legend: Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudiu ..read more

I find myself recommending certain blog posts more than others, both in emails to individuals and references in other posts. The following, first published on March 5, 2018 , is one and even spawned a recent Knowing Her Sexually podcast episode with guest host Ruth Buezis of Awaken Love. Given how important I believe this information is, I wanted to share this post again. Enjoy! One of the questions I receive most is from wives asking how to achieve orgasm. That’s understandable, since a really great orgasm is one of the few things that lives up to its billing. I have a full chapter on o ..read more

I have a friend who hates the word “sexy.” It has a negative connotation for her, while I’m eager to embrace the word when my husband uses it to refer to moi. Our histories and perspectives aren’t the same, and that’s okay. I’ve learned to adjust my word choice when I’m in conversation with her. Especially since I have my own words about sex that trigger a negative feeling. Do you have trigger words as well? Do you know why they don’t work for you? And have you and your spouse discussed what language you both like? Two Words I Dislike (from Ministries I Admire) Juli Slattery of Authentic Inti ..read more

One of the most frustrating comments I ever get goes something like this: “I wish I’d slept with my spouse before marriage, so I would have known whether we were sexually compatible.” I see at least three major errors in that statement: Regretting that you did the right thing (see What Does the Bible Say About Premarital Sex?) Believing that sex before marriage, a particular point in time, would provide sufficient information about physical intimacy going forward Embracing “sexual compatibility,” the idea that your libidos, bodies, and preferences either match or don’t I don’t even know whe ..read more

I’m a resolutions maker. Not always a resolution keeper. But I find that setting out some goals or a theme for the year get me on a better track than doing nothing. Not that there’s anything independently special about January 1, but that turn of the year feels like a chance to take stock, imagine the future, and figure out next steps. One can do that in various areas of life: career, family, faith, health, organizing your office into something that looks less like a tornado came through. (Is that last one just me?) But what about sexual intimacy? Yeppers, that’s why you come here—because I t ..read more